heaven was a bad idea

Do you sometimes get this weird empty feeling?

It’s not the standard empty feeling of loneliness and sadness. No, it’s much more different than that. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. I’m just… blank. Yeah, blank is a good word. Like I don’t know what I should be feeling right now.

At this very moment I’m alone in my room, on Tumblr, listening to music. I was playing my drums earlier, but I stopped after 20 minutes of working on different melodies. I could have gone out on a date with this guy that I’ve been talking to, but I just lost the want to. I’m not tired. I’m not sleepy, but I’d choose to sleep this early if I wanted to. I’m not bored, but I’m not entertained either. I was horny. Was. I have the house for myself. I have a weird urge to take out the Grey Goose I have stashed in my closet and taking a shot. I’m not going to though, cause drinking alone is sad.

I’m just empty. Nothing really going on within me. Its just a void. And I kind of like it. The few people that I have texted haven’t replied for hours, and I’m OK with that. Why? Not because I don’t want to talk to them. I just don’t know what to say next. I’m literally at a loss for words at the conversations that I had. Always am, but just this time I can’t even muster up a half-assed ‘LOL’ let alone a full sentence. Except for right now. This very post is the most that I’ve ‘talked’ today. I see no problem in this at all.

Maybe I don’t need words. Maybe I need action. Talk with my body, not with my language. Words are meaningless without action. If something is said, then it must be done. If its not, then they’re just hollow words.